The 10 Best (or Worst) Excuses for Missing Work in 2013

lost map stateAs a health IT consultant, you're too old to say the dog ate your homework and too young to retire, so you must show up to work.

Of course, we want ALL of our consultants to always arrive at work on time, when you're supposed to. But just in case you needed a laugh to get you through the work day, here are the best (or worst, depending on how you take them) actual excuses for missing work, compiled from CareerBuilder's annual report on the subject through Harris Interactive.

  • "My false teeth flew out of the window while I was driving down the highway."
  • "I couldn't decide what to wear."
  • "My fake eye is falling out of its socket."
  • "I got lost on the way to work and ended up in another state."
  • "I received a threatening phone call from the electric company and need to report it to the FBI."
  • "I ate too much turkey, fell asleep and missed my shift."
  • "Someone glued my windows and doors shut, and now I can't leave my house."
  • "A swarm of bees surrounded my vehicle, so I can't make it in."
  • "My favorite football team lost on Sunday, so I need to take Monday off to get over it."
  • "I'm trying to quit smoking, and I'm too grouchy to work."

And from our friends across the pond, the excuses get slightly weirder. From Benenden Health's 2013 survey of 1,000 workers and 1,000 bosses on calling in sick to work, here are the worst (clean) excuses from the U.K.:

  • "A can of baked beans landed on my big toe."
  • "My dog has had a big fright, and I don't want to leave him."
  • "I am hallucinating right now."
  • "I was swimming too fast and smacked my head on the the poolside."
  • "I drank too much and fell asleep on someone else's floor, and I don't know where I am."
  • "My fish is sick."
  • "My toe is trapped in the bath tap."

And just in case you feel the urge to use one of the above excuses, don't - not only are they pretty ridiculous, but 30 percent of employers surveyed in the CareerBuilder report say they have checked up on the employee to verify their excuses. Of those who verified employees’ excuses during 2013, 64 percent required a doctor’s note, 48 percent called the employee, 19 percent checked the employee’s social media posts, 17 percent had another employee call the sick employee and 15 percent drove past the employee’s house.

So even if you've cooked up a foolproof excuse, it's best to squelch that bit of creativity for the sake of keeping your job. You never know - your boss may moonlight as a private investigator.